Faith

In a discipline that shuns organized religion, I rarely tout my faith. It is a secret source of strength, a reserve, a secret to staying "nice" (which involves a lot of deep breaths and mantras of "I don't like what I see in me" and "turn the other damned cheek"), etc. Last Sunday I heard a good sermon about how we should not be afraid of talking about our faith and what we know rather than frustrated with what we don't. I am tired of defending Faith and religion. There is a lot that I do not know nor subscribe to in Catholicism. I will be the first to say that. But what I do know that it is a source of strength and a way to deal with suffering. I cannot explain it, other than it helps me and has made me who I am.
Faith helps me understand why my cousin died over Christmas other than he didn't have insurance and why his sister months before had to go through a broken engagement for the nth time. Why a young vibrant, athletic woman was struck with stage 2 breast cancer on her first mammogram and why my uncle was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and my mom has to be strong again, like she hasn't had to be strong enough.
Faith tells me there is a reason, that God knows our limits and will help shoulder the load. It is a comfort when dealing with death and facing one's own mortality to think of a greater place, a greater reason, a greater link than an individual life which is hard, grueling, and never goes exactly how we plan it.
Nietzsche tells me that religion is man created and a way to oppress. Screw him. Life is hard. We suffer. Suffering isn't beautiful, people are beautiful. Inner reserves of grace and fortitude during hardships are breathtaking. Faith may be a crutch, but it keeps many of us standing.
If I didn't subscribe to Faith, I couldn't deal. This is why I ask you to keep our family and all those suffering with cancer in your prayers. If you're not religious, then at least in your thoughts.
I like to think it helps. I can't explain it, but I do.