Hit a New Wall and Still Reeling

I have hit new lows this quarter. All of it came crashing last Friday. First hit- my uncle died. Second hit- conference from hell. Third hit- worry and anxiety over my best friend's mother and her recent diagnosis of cancer. Fourth hit- A guy I *thought* I was having a relationship with ended and ended up being a total dick (no censors today). Fifth hit- bad teacher observation. Sixth and the one that leaves me sweating, 8th week quarter realization.
I realize I am drowning this quarter. Images of Meredith Grey weighed down in the Grey's Anatomy drowning episode linger on. Around Tuesday, I could empathize with her. "I was just tired" she told people when she let herself drown. This week I was just tired. I wanted to quit. I was just tired of things going wrong. Of me not doing well. Of me misreading people. Of being so faraway.

I don't have motivation speech out of this. I didn't miraculously regain my strength. I just accepted that I fail sometimes and this was a quarter of failing. I am not sure how I will do gradewise. I am not sure how I will pull through.

***
Last week I talked to my uncle. He said, Kimberly this is the best time of your life and you're making the most of it.
I told my hairdresser Brooklyn about this. I told her, I didn't know what to say. She said with her hairdresser wisdom, Kimberly, he didn't want you to say anything. He wanted you to live it.
**
Last night I went to the festival of new plays. There was one play and the essence of it was the writer wanted to write her friends as a characters. I realize that is what I do. I am a writer underneath it all and I am constantly writing. I think sometimes what happens is the characters I create out of the people in my life don't match the characters I created. Disappointment sets in. The character of the guy and the guy were different. The character was great but the guy, which became all too clear this week, didn't match the character.
**
Now I should be reading but I am not. Maybe I am drowning because of these distractions, but I have the rest of the weekend to catch my breath. I hope.