Public Speaking and Dating???

A lot of people are scared of public speaking. I'm not actually. Not to say I have not had those terrible embarrassing experiences, because I have.

Exhibit A:
Girl Scout Fly Up or Fly Out or something. I had some simple line I was supposed to say and Kristen was supposed to walk over a little bridge thing, but I got the giggles. I have no idea what was funny but I couldn't say the words. I just giggled ridiculously. My mother was furious.

Exhibit B:
Lectoring on Christmas Eve Mass. There I was, all adolescent, kind of like a fawn. I was thin, newly thin actually, awkward, braces in a little forest green velvet dress and eyes as big as headlights. I was supposed to read the first reading and I got nervous and confused. I thought that a prayer blessing something or other was the opening prayer, so I went to the front of the church and started reading the first reading. I don't remember how far I got but eventually was beckoned down and told that Mass had not started.

Exhibit C:
Somehow I got picked to be an Emcee at some leadership camp when I was in high school. Now I was not an outgoing or terribly outspoken teenager so I am not sure how this happened, but I was to emcee a talent show in front of my peers who I of course was desperate to impress. After one number, I told a bad joke and then exited to the side of the stage. Two important details were unbeknownst to me. 1- The act was not ready yet. 2- The side door locked. I got locked out of the auditorium and the audience was left staring at a blank stage.

Exhibit D:
It was one of the first speeches of my Public Speaking class. We were supposed to give a speech about an object. I chose bookend of my grandmother's. Now my grandmother had passed away about 7 or 8 months prior. It was a hard time for me and I don't think I cried at all. Our family is strong. We don't cry. So I started the speech and not 1 minute into it, all the tears that I held back came pouring out. Choking on tears I ran out of the classroom and sobbed til my knees gave out in the bathroom. And then I had to return to class.

These were very humiliating but I honestly don't think of them automatically when I think of public speaking. Yet, my bad experiences in dating make me fear dating like most fear public speaking. It seems whenever I finally get to a point that I am ready to be in a relationship, something goes wrong. Like (gasp!) the guy has absolutely no interest in being in a relationship with me or he prefers my married friend or I handle things badly and then regret it. In the last couple of years, I have fought so hard to not get involved that when I do and it fails, well it puts me off for another really long time. I end up not dating guys who might actually be good for me and I do like, but I am just too scared.

Maybe I need to approach more like I approach public speaking, build up a repertoire of experiences so not ALL of them are negative.
That is so much easier said than done. In public speaking, you have a greater control over your attempts. In dating, it's not like you walk outside and say, Okay, I'm ready. Come here.

I am still so very tired of everything. It's so much easier to focus on these issues than other things like death and cancer and failing. It is more concrete and a little less scary.