Quarter Life Crisis

So it's official. This summer I am going to be a lifeguard. I am really glad that I have grown up, matured, acquired an advanced degree so I can return to my first official job: lifeguarding.
If it means I get to be outside every single day in the California sun, I guess I will just have to suck it up and do it. You can't say I am not a team player.

New Perspective

It's looking more and more that the Rock n Roll marathon is going to be out of reach. I hate giving up but with recent events I have a little better perspective. I found out that the woman who was just diagnosed with breast cancer does not have stage 1 breast cancer, but stage 3c. The hospital she is staying at has a care page set up for her on which she can post blog entries. After reading what she is dealing with day to day, I feel foolish writing about how disappointed I am not to be running a marathon. Last year, this woman, Lisa, biked with me in the GRABAWR. It was hard for both of us but we did it. That's close to 500 miles biking. One day we did 90 miles. Her last entry was about having enough strength to go to Target and walk down the aisles. I can't possibly complain that I am not going to run a marathon because I can still run. I am just so thankful that I have that.
On a lighter note, I am taking a lifeguard certification class. This may sound strange to a few of you because I was a lifeguard for 5 years. That was 6 years ago so I decided to retake the class. The first night was brutal. I had to jump off a high dive. (Again, for those of you who knew me growing up, that's an incredibly big and scary deal) That obviously wasn't the only thing. It was one of the most exhausting workouts I have ever had. My legs and arms were raw and bruised from having to claw myself out of the pool. I don't know even know how many laps we swam. Last night went much better. I think it was a combination of the wind and another girl's severely bruised legs and my scraped limbs, but we didn't have to continually get out and jump back in. We'll see how tonight goes. I am throwing caution to the wind and running this morning. We were told to avoid other excercise but I am optimistic that it will be more like last night than the first night and I am itching to get out.

Faith

In a discipline that shuns organized religion, I rarely tout my faith. It is a secret source of strength, a reserve, a secret to staying "nice" (which involves a lot of deep breaths and mantras of "I don't like what I see in me" and "turn the other damned cheek"), etc. Last Sunday I heard a good sermon about how we should not be afraid of talking about our faith and what we know rather than frustrated with what we don't. I am tired of defending Faith and religion. There is a lot that I do not know nor subscribe to in Catholicism. I will be the first to say that. But what I do know that it is a source of strength and a way to deal with suffering. I cannot explain it, other than it helps me and has made me who I am.
Faith helps me understand why my cousin died over Christmas other than he didn't have insurance and why his sister months before had to go through a broken engagement for the nth time. Why a young vibrant, athletic woman was struck with stage 2 breast cancer on her first mammogram and why my uncle was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and my mom has to be strong again, like she hasn't had to be strong enough.
Faith tells me there is a reason, that God knows our limits and will help shoulder the load. It is a comfort when dealing with death and facing one's own mortality to think of a greater place, a greater reason, a greater link than an individual life which is hard, grueling, and never goes exactly how we plan it.
Nietzsche tells me that religion is man created and a way to oppress. Screw him. Life is hard. We suffer. Suffering isn't beautiful, people are beautiful. Inner reserves of grace and fortitude during hardships are breathtaking. Faith may be a crutch, but it keeps many of us standing.
If I didn't subscribe to Faith, I couldn't deal. This is why I ask you to keep our family and all those suffering with cancer in your prayers. If you're not religious, then at least in your thoughts.
I like to think it helps. I can't explain it, but I do.

And so it begins...
A new quarter. A new beginning? Let's hope.
Spring Quarter began (appropriately) with a beautiful spring day, a flat tire, and bird poop on my bike seat. I guess I just can't have it all.
I think Mondays will be excellent. I have a very free schedule which ends at 1. I am taking French which is already going better than Spanish did. Maybe because I am cheating and I do actually (kinda) know the language. The TA is from Chicago so I think him and I will get along just fine. I am glad that I have not pushed past French 2. Technically I have never taken it. I took French 3 and 4 during undergrad. But I do just want to get back in the swing before my trip this summer. And I was never good at speaking it, so this class should help.
As to report, the rest of my break went way too quickly. The conference was a little overwhelming- I learned not to attend a full day of panels. My mind and stomach were reeling. Too much theatre can in fact make you sick.
I also cut my hair. I swear it's been getting shorter every day since. When I am at the salon, I am a little trigger happy. Go on, I coax the hairdresser, cut a little more. Just another inch! More layers! Bangs! The works! Then reality hits when I am washing my hair and realize exactly how much many curls were left discarded and swept away. Alas, alas, alas. No more ponytails for me over the next few months.