Bitter Disappointment

So I tuned into Quarter Life Crisis, thinking I am going through a quarter life crisis, this MUST be the show for me. After fifteen minutes, I realized that no, this was not my show. This was not a show of people screwing up, doubting where they were going, struggling to make friends out of college, moving across the country. Even in the quarter life crisis, these people were successful. They were pretty. They had a close knit group of friends who were always at their apartment, friends they had known since high school. They had jobs that were somewhat related to their dreams. They had not yet changed dreams, moved away to new towns, broke up with college boyfriends or post college boyfriends.
I want my show damnit. I want to see struggle, I want to see crying in the butterfly press machine at the gym, I want to see awkward friendships forged by twenty somethings, where befriending someone is scaring than the dating game. I want to see dates that don't work out but not in the funny haha way, but in the oh-this-is-awkward-but-we'll-give-it-the-college-try or fabulous first dates that are only that- fabulous first dates. I want to see actresses who are not substance abusers, but real live people who are healthy and struggling and trying to move beyond their acting degree.
I want to see TA walking in the girls' bathroom filled with her own students who have just gotten back papers and are bitterly complaining about her who awkwardly shut up when she enters and stare at her as she selects a stall and then dissolve into whispers and giggles as they dry their hands and leave. I want to see a graduate student on television who is not a carciature of the nerdy kid. I want to see what happens when she tries to reach out of academia and flails around trying to find a place in corporate society. I want to see a job hunt on television, a real job hunt with rejections and slow response times and indecision and uncertainty.
I want my show damnit. I want to see a crisis with not pretty people but real live twenty somethings who can't figure out 1-what to do with their life 2-how to survive 3-how to move across the country without knowing where exactly you're moving 4-how to exisist in the in-between. THAT is what I want to see, complete with a laugh track and mis-matched set furniture.

Tour of California
Despite my illness, I found myself on the starting line of Stage 6 of the Bike Tour. From the bits I heard from the announcer, I think some of the bikers are suffering from the same flu. Now that would suck. Here are some pictures below. This will definitely go down as one of the cooler things I did in California.

Never Ceases to Amaze Me

how being sick can totally knock me on my butt. I got the evil cold/flu thing that has been going around. The last two days I have either been in bed or on the sofa. Today I am starting to feel better but I can still tell I am not back to 100%. I will be the first to admit that if I have a sore throat, I transform into a huge, wimpering wimp. I hate sore throats. Grrr. Ouch. Damnit.
Other than that, I starting to take steps to move out but I don't really know where I am moving. It is so unsettling that I have remained in a safety net of denial. I can't deal with not knowing so I am trying not to think about it. I just happily act like I am actually going somethere to some mythical job. I even bought my one way ticket home the other day. I know my friends are tired of hearing how much I want said job but I keep saying it. Sigh. My friends rock for putting with me, oh broken record.
My last surfing lesson was exciting if anything. On a personal note, I had an easier time and had wetsuit booties which was so nice. On the more exciting and scary side, someone almost died. A girl got knocked unconscious in the water and they had to do CPR on her. It was one of the creepiest things I have gone through and a good reality check. Suddenly my job woes didn't seem as big of a deal. And I was reminded of how dangerous the ocean can be. The waves are unforgiving. It's very humbling.

What they don't tell you about surfing..

It really hurts your feet. Well, perhaps I should clarify: when the water is really, really cold and there are a lot of big rocks, surfing really hurts your feet. I became intimately acquainted to one large rock and many other little ones today. It was my first surfing class. It was really fun. I am exhausted and reminded that despite my valiant efforts, I am not athletic. So far body surfing and riding in on my belly are my favorite things. My goal for the next few weeks: to stand up. Smaller goals: Command the board. Right now I feel really small and board feels really big. I also want to do a turtle roll and invest in some wet suit booties. But I have more experience surfing today than I did yesterday and that is always a good reason for celebration.

The Sweeter Things

I do have to say I love California in February. It's Spring and gorgeous outside. I spent a good 2 1/2 hours at the pool today, swimming and reading. Now I am signed up for a surfing and triathlon training class that will put me outside and on the beach for 4 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Not everything in California is bad.
My play closed on Wednesday. I am very proud of it. We had meager houses but they were very receptive and responsive. My actress grew from performance to performance and my stage manager was a true professional. Though I did enjoy the process, I can't even explain the relief I felt yesterday. Now I enter into Winter Quarter Part 2, enjoy as much as possible and plan for the future but try not to stress too much about it.
As I am basking in the glow of the California sun, I know it will be really important that I don't romanticize the experience here. I am so happy because I know it is ending and I don't have the pressures of the PhD looming over me. That being said, now I can enjoy being here and not looking back with regret. Not to mention, trying to enjoy instead of worry, take a deep breath instead of being overwhelmed and hiding under my desk. And getting a damn good tan (with many applications of sunscreen of course) before I return to the tundra.

Opening Night!

Tonight is the opening night for the show I have been directing, Grace McKeaney's Chicks. It's part of a Graduate Directed One Act Play Marathon. It is one of 7 plays.

I am really pleased with it. It has really come together in the last week due to lots of hard work by my actress, stage manager, and myself.

Here's to a good run!