Walking Away

You know when I was little, I knew age 23 and 27 would be big years for me. What can I say? I have a thing with numbers. Being a little girl in our culture I of course assumed that these would be the years I marry. Yeah, well that didn't happen.
But these are monumental years. Age 23, I decide to go to graduate school and start a whole new life and then age 27, I walk away, again a whole new life.
It's hard. I don't know if it is permanent (my walking away) but worthing addressing. It's scary, it's new, and it's becoming more and more real as time passes.
My next big number is 32. I wonder what will happen then.

Hot Tea on a Cold Night

Yes, I do know it's all relative, but it is a cold and rainy night in California. Now in the Midwest, I recognize that it is below zero and snowy, but hey, I'm still cold. Which means it's a lovely night for tea and curling up with my cozy UCSB blanket (thank you Casey!) and my book on Religions of the Caribbean, a class I am definately and defiantly enjoying. I have now decided that I must vacation in the Caribbean for research purposes.
On this "cold" day, I decided to fire up the crockpot. So I haven't used the crockpot in awhile, I admit and there were several points in the day that I thought: wow, it sure smells good. I wonder who is cooking? It took me awhile to remember it was me cooking! Yeah, well. Between directing and reading, I am a little burned out.
So here's a new recipe. It was yummy. I made it with jasmine rice (cooked with garlic cloves) and steamed green beans.

Easy Teriyummy Chicken.

2-3 lbs of chicken (I used breast fillets, but whatever boneless, skinless body parts you want should work)
1 20 oz can of pineapple chunks
1 cup of Terriyaki sauce
Several dashes of ground ginger

Throw it all in there (pineapple juice and all) and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

Enjoy!

Attitude Adjustment

Consistent with my new year's resolution, I have been working very hard at an attitude adjustment. It's been difficult, I will be the first to admit, but I am really trying. Trying to be an optimist, trying to have a little faith, trying to be patient (also on my lists of new year's resolutions) and trying to tell myself that really it will all work out and it has to get better.
I have been enjoying the warm California sun which has been a welcome change even in the last week. Don't get too jealous--it's still cold at night and there is no beach going yet, but the sun feels warm on my skin and makes studying more tolerable.
As some side notes, I re-watched Memento last night. Ironically, I had forgotten most of the movie from the last time I saw it. What really struck me was the need to make sense of a life and I wonder how much we do that and when it is okay. How do we justify our existence particularly when things don't work out as planned? Is that what differeniates happy people from sad people--those who find meaning in life and those who struggle and give up?
I also made some outstanding white bean dip that I want to share with you, perhaps to give meaning to my existence, who knows?
It's low fat (I think) and damn tasty.

White Bean Goodness
1 can of white beans
1/2 teaspoon of fresh cut up rosemary
1/2 teaspoon of crushed red pepper
Juice from 1 lemon
2 garlic cloves coarsely chopped

Throw it all in the food processor and let her rip. Add more rosemeary and red pepper to taste. I like it with tortilla chips but I like everything with tortilla chips so experiment with dippers of your choice. To make it pretty, garnish it with fresh rosemary and crushed red pepper.

Ooops

Frank totally "guilt-ed" me into naming my source for my survey--Alison, the best ex-co-worker a girl could have. Oh and by the way, my students would be furious (or thrilled) to see that I used "guilt" as a verb. I had that argument one too many times last quarter, by the way I KNOW it is not a verb. They didn't. Sigh. They also used "beach" as a verb.

So it's appropriate though not intended that this post is called "oops" because it will also contain goals for 2008.

1. Be more outgoing; learn to make smalltalk. I actually suck at this. It is ridiculously easy for me to be intidimated by people which makes me clam up so I am going to actively try to be more outgoing in social situations.

Take my plane ride for instance. Inwardly I groaned when the attractive guy who ogled me at the gate sate beside me. I like to keep to myself on airplane rides. It's often a long flight and if you start the smalltalk early then what do you when you are out of things to say and you just really want to read your book? But I smiled and responded to him when he talked to me. He seemed to like to be deep (which I am sure I disappointed him with my silence and chick lit book) and actually came up with a clever/stoner view of post modernism which I am so using when I teach. There was an awkward moment when I started reading my book when I think he wanted to keep talking but I did talk to him later on in the flight. It amazed me how much information he divulged, his many run ins with the law, his drug addictions, how acid has given him enough deep material to ponder the rest of his life, how society is composed of mindless drones who are placated by the evening news, etc.

2. Be more optimistic.

3. Continue being more optimistic.

4. Be patient.

I also have some more specific goals but I don't need to tell you everything. These are just the ones that are the least tangible and hopefully I can use the blog to record my progress. We'll see.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? I got a black eye, saw Italy, went skinny dipping in the Pacific ocean, Sun bathed in February, jumped off the high dive without outwardly showing fear, went to a therapist.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope. I did not run the San Diego marathon.
.3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, Kristen, Beautiful Natalie Jo.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my uncle John.
5. What places did you visit? Los Angeles, Madison, Chicago, Paris, Avignon, Sienna, Florence, Rome, Venice.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Stability and a whole, balanced life, I want to make my world smaller and stronger.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? No exact dates, just periods, like the Monday after Thanksgiving through December 19 and Spring Quarter.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making a decision. Survival.
9. What was your biggest failure? It feels like everything I attempted. But you know failure backwards is....er...eruliaf.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A black eye and mild concussion.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A lamp by my bed.
2. Whose behavior merited celebration? My parents, my sister, Kristen, and my parents' dog Maggie. And April.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? No names, but the people I relied on, trusted in, and confided in. I wish I could say "you know who you are" but I don't even think they realize it.
.14. Where did most of your money go? Towards my France/Italy trip.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Better Things by Dar Williams, Soldier Boy (Caroline's wedding) and though painful now Hey Girl by O.A.R.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? sadder
.b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? Richer, but does it really count when you are still on student loans?
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Running and biking.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Reading, spending time with people who did not merit it.
.20. How did you spend Christmas last year? With my family amidst lots of snow.
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Yes, grrr.
.22. How many one-night stands? None, thank you.
23. What was your favorite TV program? Sex in the City and My Boys.
24. What did you do for your birthday in 2007? Got a massage, pedicure, cried because emotions released in said massage, went out to eat, and frolicked in the Pacific Ocean.
25. What was the best book you read? Last Harry Potter book.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Matt Costa.
27. What did you want and get? I wanted to go to France and Italy and I did. Yay me.
.28. What did you want and not get? A certain kind of life and future.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? The Lives of Others.
30. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes.
31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Gosh, is it awful that I want to say revenge??
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Adjustment to California sloppy/layered style. I miss dressing up.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Sadly, no one.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? So many and so little time.
36. Who did you miss? My family and friends, so much it physically hurt at times.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Anytime a new friend is kind, it momentarily floors me, therefore I don't dare pick favorites.

Happy New Year!